5 projects for 2011.

I’ve never made New Year’s resolutions, but this year seems like it should be a year of really positive change for me. Intentional change, instead of passive change. You know, change that *I* initiate, instead of change that just annoys me because it’s happening whether I’m on board or not.

Unfortunately, I kinda hate change. Which is why most change in my life is passive. I get ideas and think, “I’m gonna do that!” and then “that” takes work, or time, or energy, and I find myself lacking in energy, or time, or motivation, and so I give up. Because the status quo is usually bearable. But is bearable really what I want for my life? Maybe, but I’d like to think I want more.

Plus, I love me some lists.

So here it is – stuff I’m gonna work on in 2011.

  1. Find a style other than “just rolled out of bed.” I’m not a stylish person. Never have been. I like to be comfortable, and be able to roll from dirty toddler, to muddy dog, to spilled food. But do I have to look like that every day? Probably not. The barriers to this are that I hate shopping for clothes, and I like my sleep too much to get up early to make the effort. I’m short, and I have big boobs, which means NOTHING FITS. Ok, I can’t be the only person with a hard-to-fit body type. I need to TRY HARDER. Plus, I can probably find an extra 15 minutes in the morning to do more than brush my hair and put it in a ponytail, right? Right.
  2. Be healthier. This might translate to losing weight – I hate to set weight loss as a goal, because I really don’t think there is a lot wrong with how I look – but I would like to feel more physically capable. In my glory days I was strong, and I’d like to be strong again. I’d also like to take the kidlet to swimming lessons, and right now would prefer not to be in a bathing suit. I know that when I’m exercising more, my body image is better. Plus, moving your body is a good thing. So, I’ll try to exercise regularly. Or occasionally.
  3. De-clutter my life. We have a small house, and since the kidlet was born, it seems to have shrunk by at least half. We just keep acquiring. And it’s not even just stuff for the kid. I don’t even know what half the stuff is. I just know that when I go into the basement, I can hardly get from one door to the next because there is SO MUCH STUFF. And the stuff that I do need, needs to be organized. I tend to pile things. Which worked okay when it was just me, and there was extra space. But now? Not so much. I don’t want to feel like my possessions are owning me, so I need to get them under control.
  4. Bake bread. I’d really like to bake a bread other than banana or zucchini. I’ve checked a few books out of the library in the last year and drooled over the pictures of fresh-baked artisan breads, but whenever I think about actually making some, I get all twitchy and panicked and don’t even start. Bread seems hard. And I hate to suck at something. But I’m never going to get better unless I actually try. So, maybe I’ll try.
  5. Do something for myself. I don’t even want to say that, because it seems so cliche. But I feel like the last year of my life has been consumed, almost entirely, by trying to fucking figure out this motherhood thing. Having a kid rocked my world, and my emotions, and self-esteem, and sleep in ways that I never anticipated. 2010 was a very difficult year for me. I transitioned from paid work to full-time unpaid parenting, and then added back some paid work. O started going to a sitter for a few hours so that I would have a chance to catch my breath, because I was afraid I was going to lose it entirely, and then he started going a little more so I could work more. I let go of my fear that no one can take care of him as well as I could – partly because for a while, I don’t think I was doing THAT great a job. There was a LOT of tears and anxiety for me. In 2011 I want to remember that, while motherhood is now part of who I am, I need to honor and nurture who I was before I was a mom. Because that woman needs to be stronger, so that I can be a better mom, and wife, and friend. So, I’m going to consciously take time for me, and probably take a class. Get out of the house, and learn something. Seems easy enough.


What are some things you want to change, or make happen in 2011?





Filed under life balance

6 responses to “5 projects for 2011.

  1. OMG I love this post. Honest. Direct. Clear. The one I have saved as a draft right now – half typed out and half still in my head – is very similar.
    I think 2011 is going to be a good year.

  2. I have a bread recipe for you – it’s from Williams-Sonoma: http://www.williams-sonoma.com/recipe/rosemary-lemon-no-knead-bread.html?cm_src=RECIPESEARCH

    SUPER easy. All it takes is some planning ahead because of the rise times.

    Also, “find my style” has been on my list of things to do for YEARS and yet I still own more yoga pants than jeans and secretly wear my slippers to the grocery store. Right now I am wearing a necklace which was a huge accomplishment for me and I was shocked no one complimented me on it during the 30 minutes I actually left the house today. I mean, COME ON! IT’S STYLISH! Where’s my medal!?

    • Dude, you haz style. Headbands! And necklaces! I’m gonna put a medal in the mail to you! I brushed my hair today. Does that count? HAHAHAHA.

  3. I feel ya on the “style” thing. I feel so stuck in jeans and t-shirts and i don’t even like jeans. Dying my hair pink definitely helped, but it’s just so freakin’ hard.

  4. Um. This could double as my list.
    I need style. I need healthier. I need to de-clutter (also a small house). I love baking bread, but need to expand my horizons with it. I also need to do something for myself.

    Maybe we should keep nudging each other. *nudge* did you buy yourself something? *nudge* *nudge* maybe you don’t need 2 years of old magazines sitting on your floor?

    HA! Good luck with your projects for 2011. I know you can do it!

  5. Style has always eluded me. I find myself drawn to stylish things but, when it comes down to selecting an outfit for the day, I always feel so blah. I need to work on that one, too.

    Bread-making is on my list, too. I just recently made my first yeast dough EVAR! I made some pizza with it but I’m also going to try a foccacia bread with the same dough– seems like a nice, easy starting point. And its frackin’ delicious!

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