Quick hits

Oh my word y’all. I’m tired. I’ve got a head cold. I’m up to my eyeballs in work. I don’t feel like I’ve had two minutes to sit quietly and do nothing in the last two weeks, let alone come over here and say Hi.

I’m working with my boss to plan a conference. HOLY SHITBALLS planning a conference is a ridiculous amount of work. She kept saying, “You’ve planned a wedding, you’ll be great!” Well, yes, except with my wedding? Was pretty low-keyish. And I didn’t care if stuff didn’t happen the way it was supposed to. And I wasn’t worried about people thinking I was competent. A conference? Worried about those things.

Anyway, it’s tomorrow and Thursday, and then the thing will be behind me. And next year when she asks me to help I’ll forget all of this stress and jump at the opportunity to challenge myself again. Because I have a short memory for stress. It’s probably a coping mechanism.

Also? If you haven’t been paying attention, there is a stupid amount of anti-reproductive choice legislation whooshing it’s way through a number of states right now. (The Guttmacher Institute does a fantastic job of highlighting what’s happening where.) I’ve been busy writing letters and making phone calls which – in Virginia – seems like it might have actually made a small difference, since the state legislature backed down on a few bills last week. So, WRITE LETTERS. MAKE CALLS. If you haven’t signed up to receive action alerts from Planned Parenthood DO IT NOW. They make it so easy to add your voice. They send you an email that says, “We need your help! Contact your legislator. Click this link.” And then you click the link, see if you agree with PP’s position, add your name and they do the rest. It’s easy and effective. DO IT.

Okay, well, that’s the last free 5 minutes I have for the next two days.

TGIF y’all.

It’s been one hell of a shitastic week. A very dear friend of mine lost her pregnancy, and another was diagnosed with thyroid cancer a mere 10 days after delivering her second baby.

And then there’s all the political bullshit that’s been flying out of the Virginia State Assembly: if you’d like an abortion in VA you’ll need to have an ultrasound 24 hours before the procedure can be performed. Of course, that assumes there will be anyone left to perform them in the state, AND it assumes that it will be legal to obtain one at all. Virginia sure has been busy these last 4 weeks, gunning for the most anti-choice state award. Sadly, it looks like they’ve got first place pretty well locked up.

BUT, while all this has been flying around, I’ve had this on repeat.

Tell me what was good in your week?

Lock up your daughters!

Tomorrow’s Valentines Day! What better way to celebrate than with this t-shirt for your little boy!

OMFG Target. Are you kidding me with this?

This, my dear friends, is not cool. It’s not cool because it portrays boys as predators. Because it sends the message that it is okay for boys to act in a sexually aggressive manner, and that it’s even cute. It’s not okay because it suggests that girls need to be locked up to keep them safe from the uncontrollable urges that boys find themselves awash in.  It’s not okay because it says that it’s all damn normal. Isn’t it cute to normalize predatory sexual innuendo? FOR CHILDREN. (That t-shirt is a size 18mos. I found it in the toddler section at Target.)  (I’m pretty sure this was a tactic of the Taliban. Keeping women inside to ‘protect’ them from men who couldn’t control their sexual urges. This is an adorable philosophy to emulate, Target!)

And also? My son is not a predator. My son is not a rapist.

Wait. Rape? Who said anything about rape? Well, that shirt does. It says, “Keep your daughters away from me, because otherwise I might do something I can’t control, and can’t be held accountable for!” and because it’s cute-ified (is that a word?) on a t-shirt, we can all sit back and laugh about it. “Oh..haha…it’s cuuuuute.”

I bombed Twitter with this picture Saturday after I took it because I was so pissed about it, and one of my followers posted on Target’s Facebook page,

Very disappointed to see shirts that say “Lock up your daughters!” being sold at Target. Way to further perpetrate rape culture on Valentines Day just to make a buck.

The responses in the comments?

I just cannot handle anymore people being so overly sensitive!! Why is everyone always offended about everything??? How in the world is a little boys shirt “perpetrating rape culture”???

How does that sound remotely close to rape? Geez! I’m going to lock up my daughters from people like YOU.

I’ve read a lot of stupid posts on this page but this just takes the cake. I cannot understand how in the world anyone could be offended by that shirt!!

These are being sold in the boys dept? Aw, if I saw a little guy wearing one, I’d probably chuckle. If I saw a grown man wearing one, I’d think yeah right, dummy… now rape would never enter my mind. Especially on a little boy, geez.

Maybe you should analyze yourself and find out why you think a harmless little boys’ shirt is promoting rape. And this has nothing to do with defending Target. More like defending rationalism and common sense.

it seems people will find anything to complain about. I’ve seen that little boys shirt and there is nothing wrong with it!

Not surprisingly, the t-shirt is harmless and she’s (an I’m) too sensitive and over reacting. Yay! Rape culture and silencing all in one place!

I get it, I do. It’s just a t-shirt  but that t-shirt, combined with the idea that the message it’s sending is okay, partnered with all the other sex and gender messages that kids are fed combine to create an environment where men feel emboldened to commit acts of sexual violence because they’ve been told all their lives that it’s okay. Not too long ago I read something that said one of the reasons that sexually aggressive behavior is so common among  early-twenties men is because when they’re all sitting around in a group talking about sex, and women, and the talk takes an aggressive turn, no one speaks up. No one says, “Oh, shit, you had sex with her while she was passed out? Dude, you’re a fucking rapist.” Instead they all sit there uncomfortably and smirk at one another. No one wants to be THAT guy, so the behavior goes unchecked. And the more often men observe other men’s behavior going unchecked the more their own behavior is emboldened.

So, when I see shit like this, I check it. This is me checking the behavior. I’m that guy. And I’m okay with it.

The Mamafesto has a post up today that talks about kids clothing and gender messages too, you should check it out. (We didn’t even coordinate!)

Who does your body belong to?

I’ve run across this twice in 2 days – the idea that a person’s body (in one case it was a woman’s body, and in the other there was no sex/gender specified), within the context of a marriage, does not belong solely to themselves.

The first instance was in an interview former Victoria’s Secret model Kylie Bisutti gave to George Stephanopoulos on Good Morning America. At about 0:47 in the interview she says that, “[She] became so convicted about wanting to honor [her] husband with [her] body,” that she quit modeling for Victoria’s Secret. And then around 1:58 George asks her, “How did your husband handle all this? Did he have problem with you modeling?”

The second place I encountered this idea was a blog post on the website Simple Marriage, How to have great sex when you’re not in the mood. (Bolded emphasis is mine.)

Who you practice being in your most intimate life is a huge factor in how you truly see yourself.

Plus, if you are married, your body does not strictly belong to you. It belongs to you and your mate.

In my mind, my body is MINE. It is ONLY MINE. It is mine to choose with whom I will share it, and in what manner. And when I hear things, or read things, that suggest that my body is owed to someone other than me, I get really damn twitchy.

What do you think?

Context for yesterday’s post

I was so pissed off about that story yesterday that I completely failed to offer some context for it. Hahaha. No wonder I don’t have a million followers!

We’ve been looking at preschools for kidlet for the last 2 weeks. This is exhausting, and overwhelming, and feels like the biggest decision I’ve made this year. I know, I know, SETTLE DOWN. We’re really looking for someplace that is convenient (I am nothing if not lazy these days), that will take his allergies seriously and be able to recognize and address a reaction should a need arise, and that will suit his personality. A few places have felt really right, but I felt it wouldn’t be responsible to stop, and not at least visit the other schools, just in case. (See also: decision making disorder.)

So, yesterday we went to visit the last of the possibilities. I have a handful of friends that have their kids at the school, and it goes all the way to 8th grade, which I like, and off we went. We visited the preschool classroom, the 8th grade classroom, the kindergarten classroom, and as our last stop, the 1st grade classroom. Where we were able to witness the glory that was that stupid-ass story.

It was being told to a 1st grade class by the 6th grade teacher. She was so enthusiastic; all the right demonstrative faces, and she was soliciting participation from the class in all the right spots. The kids were listening with rapt attention. It was really nice to watch. Except for, you know, the whole bullshit story.

I left wondering how the school, which purports to be a forward thinking, liberal school, could use this story so enthusiastically. Our guide said that this story is used as a cornerstone for counting lessons (Anna’s mushrooms in the basket show up in the classroom to be counted), and for something else. (I wasn’t really paying attention at this point.)

And as I thought about it more yesterday I wondered, what would I do if I learned that my kid was being taught this story. Imagine that we DO choose this school, and in 4 years he’s that 1st grader, and he comes home excited about this fantastic story he was told in class; what would I say to the school? Have a conference with the teacher and express my concerns about how kids are being taught to believe people who are different are bad? Seems reasonable, but would it make any difference? There’s no way of knowing, but since I  like to be prepared for crappy situations, I guess it’s good I’m thinking about it now.

Also, I cannot possibly be the first parent to be uncomfortable with this, can I? One of the ways I talk myself into doing things I’m nervous or uncomfortable about is to remind myself that I’m not the first person to take the step. So, I assume I’m not now, but…I’d like to think that parents who have chosen to send their kid to this school, and who know about this story, have been, or will be willing to challenge the message it sends.

Of course, I like to hope that people are willing to challenge much of what they see.